Stop Managing, Start Leading

One of my former direct reports recently posted something public, thanking me for the mentorship we shared during our brief time working together. Only about eighteen months, but it meant enough to him that he felt compelled to share it with the world.

I hope he knows how much that meant to me. Not because it was public, but because I feel honored to know I helped him learn something meaningful, something worth sharing with others.

That moment made me reflect on what it means to be a leader of people. Not directing, telling folks what to do or optimizing workflows, but actually being the leader people need.

Growing Into Leadership

Early in my career, my aspirations for leadership were all about me. The title I wanted, and the authority that comes with it. The money I was chasing. The projects that advanced my trajectory. I figure it's true for most of us, folks who are driving for the next level - whatever that may be. We build our foundation while aiming for what's next.

Then something shifts. You start noticing more what the business needs, what the customers need. You start to develop a sort of reverence for the responsibility that comes with leading. You realize earning what's next for you means helping others feel confident in choosing you for it. You're still self-interested, but you're learning that serving others serves you.

This is when you start becoming a leader. When curiosity about other people becomes more important than your next promotion. Or at least, a means to it.

For me, this was my evolution from designer to art director to creative director. Each step required more empathy. More understanding of what other people needed to succeed so I could succeed. It was still transactional. More strategic. But ultimately about advancing my own goals.

When Everything Changes

Somewhere along the way, something fundamental happens. You become responsible for someone you can't help but prioritize above everything else. A child. A partner. A parent. A friend. Or perhaps you suffer an incredible loss. The world changes you.

The titles and awards and metrics start feeling hollow. You realize people matter more than any of it. You stop looking for the angle where you benefit and start genuinely wanting to help others grow.

Raising kids was the biggest catalyst for my personal growth. But cancer was the gift I never could've expected. The fear of dying clarifies everything, like nothing else. I will never forget driving to the ER, suffering a sudden blood clot from chemo, certain this was the end. I can still see the rich blue of the sky. The world in a blur as we drove by. Time slowed, and I was at peace.

Today, reflecting on that simple note of gratitude from my former report, I have to be thankful for every step in my journey, including that trip to the ER. The impossible complexity of living set me on a path that gave me the opportunity to be the mentor that person needed.

You don't need cancer, kids, or hardship to develop empathy. But I like to think of our most difficult challenges as shortcuts for earning better understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

I also think about leaders who never make this evolution. Leaders who accumulate titles and teams but never actually recognize the opportunity they have. Who never truly give of themselves or strive to help others grow.

What a disappointing realization that would be, to look back and see you hadn't actually cultivated others along the way. Anyway, that person isn’t reading this article.

Leadership Becomes You

The empathy you've been building your entire life? Lean into it. Create team environments built upon trust and safety. Demonstrate your own vulnerability and imperfection. Share your time, your perspective, your challenges, your mistakes, your learnings. The leader you want to be is inside you.

Operationally, this means:

Protect your team. The people and processes that threaten their time, energy, space, and resources. Protect your team so they can do their best work. And if you're the source of bullshit? Do better.

Give them what they need. Figure it out by listening. Ask questions. Demonstrate how you approach challenges. Show them it's okay to fail, and how to pick up the pieces. Provide constructive feedback.

Treat people with respect at all levels. This isn't complicated, but it's where most leadership failures happen. Playing politics, talking down, flexing, shaming folks, yelling…

Empathy is the key. With greater appreciation for the needs of others, the better leader you'll be. As you earn trust through consistent respect and vulnerability, you gain the opportunity to teach. And if you're lucky, you'll see your teaching applied and sustained beyond your time.

The Real Test

They say the true measure of a person reveals itself in conflict. When the pressure is intense. When things aren't going well. When someone disappoints you. Can you still be empathetic? Can you still offer your people a safe space and hold their trust?

I know there are some really toxic places out there, where executives are yelling at teams and actively not doing anything I'm suggesting. I've worked there. I've had them as clients. This sort of negativity is toxic at any level, but when it comes from the top it can spread and devastate an entire organization.

All I can say is you have to help yourself before you can help anyone else. Do you best, but also know when it’s time to go. I've walked away from more than a few spots that were "not a good culture fit." And that's okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be better, in fact.

For Leaders Who Care

If you're in a position to mentor others and you're not doing it, you're missing the most rewarding part of leadership. The metrics and KPIs matter, absolutely. The business outcomes matter, certainly. But earning meaningful outcomes starts with genuinely caring about people. Not as resources to deploy, but as individuals to cultivate.

That's what makes the difference between managing and leading. Between hitting numbers and building something sustainable. Between getting results and creating a legacy.

The note from my former direct report reminded me why I do this work. It's not awards and recognition. It's not revenue growth. It's seeing teams flourish because you chose to care.

That's what leadership looks like, to me.